I‘m Rizwan. You‘ve probably seen me on the telly. Zee TV? Mango juice? It was well wicked. Everyone said I was a natural. I‘m just sitting back now. Let the work roll in. I think it‘s my destiny to be famous. I think I‘ll be like that Jonathan Ross. A chat show and that. I bet he shags loads of birds does Ross. He‘d get them all relaxed with his easy charm. Get them to just sit on his sofa. Give ‘em a cup of tea, or juice and then wham. He‘d be on ‘em like a rottweiler. With his big clumsy paws fumbling at their zips. If I was gay, there‘s no way I‘d have sex with Ross. I don‘t think he‘d respect you. He‘d make you feel cheap afterwards with chirpy quips. I‘d rather do Parky. I think he‘d be a considerate lover. And he‘d be courteous afterwards. Bring you a drink or something.

I‘m not gay though. Ben is. He‘s definitely gay. You never see Ben with a woman. He did have that jazz mag in his car once though – Asian Babes, although I think it was just for show. Come to think of it he is always going on about Asian girls. He had a thing for Zaira last year. But she was a lezzer. I reckon. And he‘s always asking after my sister, hanging out with her, going to the pictures. The dirty bastard. I‘ll kill him. If he‘s touched her. With his filthy infidel hands. Anyway listen all you casting agents – I‘ll do anything. Apart from nude stuff. Unless I can wear a hood or something. Can you airbrush stomachs?

Call me on 07984 696494

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