Ben has been approached to make some easy money by staging an accident and putting in a claim. I’d well do it.

Mo is tired of the filthy state of his cabs and arranged for an inspector to randomly select cabs to assess their cleanliness. Ben says no more people eating kebabs in the cab. Chilli sauce is the problem, but I just can’t stop.

Went to Rizwan’s cousin Sal's wedding. Knowing all the family will be there (especially his sisters) I pulled out all the stops. I went in full traditional attire. I was the only one there in full gear, they all had on suits. He’s a prat that Rizwan. I’ll get him back for this.

Mo says there is a £500 cash bonus up for grabs at the base for the driver who picks up a mystery sponsor and impresses them in a variety of categories, cleanliness, appearance, punctuality etc. The sponsor will be picked up by each driver for a journey so they all have an opportunity to impress. Rizwan, wants the money to pay for his show reel and I want the
money to pay for me holiday to Mecca. I’ve decided the only way to fit in with the rest of the drivers is immerse meself in the culture. Shawsy on the Haj.

Ben injured his back whilst helping a wheelchair-bound passenger. He’s launched on a campaign against all political correctness. He says he’s the smallest minority around. The only redneck at our base.

I enrolled with a new modelling agency for a modest casting fee of £500 and a portfolio fee of £800. I’ll just sit back and waits for the work to roll in.

I watched an episode of 'Crime-watch' and I’m telling you anyone could be involved in terrorist activity. Anyone. How would you know? I’m gonna keep me eyes and ears to the ground from now on. Maybe MI6 will sign me up. When me ex-wife Linda finds out I’m an undercover special agent, she’ll definitely want me back.

Rizwan got a booking today for a bride on her wedding day. Turns out it was Rizwan's first love (Reena) and he says they had one last fling minutes before she was married but I think he’s bullshitting.

Apparently, Mo the chief is feeling the heat over his immigration status. How anyone can work in this country for thirty years, run the best minicab firm in the city and not get a passport. That Tony Blair needs shooting. And Gordon Brown. And David Blunkett – he gets visas for breakfast with his eggs. What does Mo have to do. Go on a date with Peter Mandelson for free?

On the night shift last night I was attacked by a huge cat-like beast whilst relieving myself in the park. So begins the hunt for the Beast of Burton Road. It has struck seven times this month. Usually goes for rabbits. It must have been hungry.

Took Doris to a Spiritualist Church and she told me there’s an angry spirit which is now haunting our cab. Let her have the ride for free. Cab keeps getting cold now and things keep disappearing. Told Ben but he says its all bollocks.

Our chief Mo is well angry after we wrecked the rest area playing that game of Kabbadi.

Asked Riz his advice about attracting women, Riz suggested we go speed dating. Not for me that lark. I went anyway. I offend every woman I meet within minutes. They don’t like a guy who shoots from the hip. Riz pulls every woman he meets. So he says. No woman has ever really took the time to get to know me really apart from Linda.

Mo threatened to sack me for intimidating passengers. Most of the complaints were women. I bet you.

Rizwan, has been offered a role in a low budget student movie. Of course he is convinced this is the start of something big.

Mo is worried that his wife from Pakistan is going to come over and join him.
He’s decided to send her more money to keep her there. Bad news for drivers. Extra charges to foot the bill.

P.S. It’s Rizwan’s cousin Sal’s wedding do tonight.

Ben was robbed last night and he’s settin up a security camera in our cab. I reckon we’ll get some extremely newsworthy footage of a local celebrity. Like that actor (alleged) from Corrie doin crack in the back of me cab. I could sell the footage to the press. ‘Ken Barlow smokes crack in Rizwan’s cab, again’. I can see the headlines now.

Played Kabbadi at the base. I won. Ben ran out of breath.

Got paid £500 just to wait outside a jewellers earlier on. Bloke made a big withdrawal. Big tip too!

Me mate Slippers dropped by trying to shift a batch of Coriander Cones. I bought the lot. Had ice cream for me tea.

Big gig tonight at the M.E.N arena. Mark Knopfler. The king. Elvis is a mere prince compared to him. I remember the glory days when Dire Straits and the Notting Hillbillies ruled the world. Mo the chief says he wants me working. But I aint workin…that’s the way I do it…I tell Mo no and I won’t come in.

Had an argument over which is best Lent or Ramadan – Me and Ben were on the changeover – we share the car see and he challenged me to a week long fast. He gave up after fifteen minutes, so Ramadan must be best.

Found a ventriloquist dummy in me cab today. I’m convinced it will lead to stardom. The world’s first Pakistani ventriloquist. I’ll be better than that Keith Harris, he was well shit.